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dance camp day 3

The day started off good, with me saying in my head a mantra: "I love myself" and also "I love dance". And it helped me stay positive. I did ask Heidi if I could down place to level 2/3a for the variation and pas and she said yes.

The variation was definitely on the easy side, and it was nice not having to constantly work so hard and be on the bottom of the class and playing catch up.

Which was how I felt at Pedro's class, and I was so annoyed at his rep I almost cried angry tears, I didn't tho. I had to remind myself: "I love dance!"

His rep is crazy hard. It's 4 mins 16 seconds, which is long, and then after one run thru my heart is beating so fast and I could feel heat blazing through my skin. It's however, really really good for my body. Because how often do I push myself to the point that my skin is burning.

I think dance camp is waking up processes in my body that I forgot I had. I've been pretty sedentary this last year. Insert excuses here.

I was worried that I couldn't handle this camp, and so far I'm doing fine. But it's only day 3. Hahah. Tomorrow is partnering.

After class we had dinner in the thai place, and then I am doing laundry which reminds me next time I come to have enough stuff so that I don't do laundry.

Hang out with Robyn and folks and now it's bed time!

dance camp day 2

I danced from 9 am to 4 pm, and I feel rather sore right now, but overall ok. I did manage to comically fall while trying to get out of the hotel pool and injured my leg a bit. So the main injury was not dance related.

I'm doing better then I thought I would. I have pain in the bottom of the ball of a foot, under the second meta tarsal and I figured out how to relieve the pain, by padding my ballet slipper. I use the toe-pads from my old pointe shoes. So that's given me relief.

Repertory was today, Pedro's choreography of Alice in Wonderland and it's insane. We're only halfway through and it's a lot of running and patterns and stuff. A bit above my pay grade I think.

I did feel a high at the end of the day, intense exercise is good for my body.

I'm thinking of voluntary dropping down a level in my variation and partnering class. We'll see. <------ This is a huge maturity step for me.

Someone today got really upset because Heidi placed her in 2/3A. And I remember last year when another girl did the same thing. And I remember in 2008 and 2009 when I did the same thing. In fact, I just read my 2009 entry about how upset I was about class placement. Though, I accepted Heidi's judgement in a quieter way.

But today, I don't care as much. I think partly it's maturity and zenness. And partly being more gentle with my rather out of shape body.

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dance camp day 1

had to leave boardgame bash early so that I could fly to Richmond, VA for dance camp.

I missed the classes, got to hang out with Russell, Robin and Chris at the ale house. Then to the Swap where I scored a bunch of dance items.

I'm reading a book called Choose Yourself, and it's reminding me to hang out only with positive people and to let go of the ability of one person to hold all your happiness. It's actually a pretty great book.

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Jul. 15th, 2016

The Nice thing, and just a bunch of terrible news one after another have triggered a lot of my anxieties. I started watching one of the Nice videos and started sobbing. It doesn't help that I have an awful cold, so I feel super vulnerable. Just gotta do a lot of self care, so tonight, K got to watch TV while I had some quiet time. and now I'm watching Pitch Perfect 2 (a silly comedy) and I had to take some time to pray and have some positive self talk.

I need to do a bunch of courageous things soon, or I will get swept away by fear.

Jun. 21st, 2016

It's a 10 hour roadtrip to pocahontas, ar. But family obligations bring us here. Andy's grandma and her twin sister are 94 years old. Aging can be a bitch. I wonder if there's wistful thinking on my part, of being able to do it in a healthier way, maybe with a paleo diet?

We are spending 4 nights here, but after a fit of stubborness, I booked 2 nights at a nice place downtown so that I can be away from their house. It's very cluttered and not child-proof.

The place we rented (thank you tripadvisor), is amazing, and really nice. The toilet has a fancy bidet system and I feel very clean down there.

I'm weary of travel, but have committed myself to another road trip after this one. And then a Denver trip and then I'm done for a while. I have found my toddler's current age to be one of the hardest for travel, and my other mom friends agree, saying that at 4ish, it will become much easier.

friday at cornell

15 years go by. it seems long and yet short. the last reunion we were newly weds, and now we have a toddler. I look around my peer group and we're older now. Several of us with white hair, and we have young families.

The Class of 2011 look young and spritely and enthusiastic, happy to be back for their first reunion.

I love the breakfast speaker, he interviewed the very elderly and asked them for their advice, and words of wisdom:
- life is short
- take risks
- work a job that you love
- happiness is a choice
- travel
- time flies in an instant

He also had a marriage book and I bought that one. Basically old people giving advice on marriage and the mistakes they made.

It reaffirmed my job choice, something that pays less, but gives me freedom.

It reminds me to be kinder to Andy, and to myself.

Coincidentally this year we are staying at the dorm I stayed in freshman year. Of all the dorms in Cornell, I'm back here, and it's bringing back memories and a reminder of who I was and the time I wasted.

No more, life is short.

15th year cornell reunion

Boy, I'm old!

On Wednesday we woke up at 3 am to get to our flights. Everything takes longer with a toddler. She was pretty antsy and cried a few times and gave ear splitting screeches at some point.

Then we hung out in Cortland with Manuel, who was awesome and picked us up.

Thursday we got a ride to Cornell, and I checked in at the class HQ. It was pretty slow since we were early. I'm checked into HILC, the dorm for families, and the continuous reunion people. Had a grumpy encounter with one of the old ladies from CRC, connie.

Then met up with Manuel for a delicious bite to eat at the dairy bar, and then a walk to the beautiful herb and flower garden at the plantations.

dinner with kmonster and a small reunion class since it was still early. and everyone was so friendly and chill.

Afterwards, on our way to the Fuertes laboratory, I saw a man playing bubbles with his kid, and we joined them and they turned out to be a great family and super fun to hang out with.

I saw Jupiter for the first time, with its red stripes and 3 moons was visible. And I asked about Saturn and the guy moved the telescope for me! Super cool with the whole thing moving, and then I saw Saturn with it's big fat ring. I do remember seeing a more clear view at the observatory in Hawaii though!














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today

introverted me is exhausted. Today I:

- had to go to UT for an errand
- had lunch at 24 diner with a friend who was having a tough time with his relationship.
- did French class
- went to happy hour at Drink.Well because a friend texted me and I was trying to nurture the relationship
- went to a 3 hour mask workshop

The mask workshop, I didn't want to go to it, but knew it would be fun. And it was. The first mask I took was an angry mask, so I removed it and took a more mischevious mask, and I had fun with that. And other people loved it and told me they wanted to see more of it.

HAH.

I apparently still have a kernel of improv skill left. The best part was Marc was there and we played a scene together and he said: "That's how every IFE scene was." And I laughed and said, "Basically we have a blast on stage even if the audience doesn't enjoy it." I remember that, we always were so happy with ourselves, even if I knew it wasn't a good show. Ah, IFE.

It was weird being at the hideout, I am so removed from all that. I can't even remember the last time I was at the hideout theatre, on that stage, or what was the last show I watched.

It feels like a stage of life that I have left behind, but there is still a steel coil attached to me because of my husband.

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This week has been way too social. I got maybe 3x swimming done, went to barton springs, deep eddy and the gym.
Went to the YA book club, skipped the mommy book club and last night went to a taste of mexico tasting.

writing group meeting today at 10 am, lunch with tara.

all this is great individually but put all together and this introvert needs some time to not do anything.

doesn't help that it's the start of busy wedding season and my butt needs to be on the chair editing.

it's my birthday!

My birthday starts early with friends across the globe wishing me well. and as I wake up and Facebook reminds others that it's my birthday, the facebook wall wishes, the text messages and e-mails comes in.

I'm reminded that a small email to someone can lift up their spirits. I no longer take for granted the few seconds someone takes to write on my facebook wall. It's a busy world and they give me some of their time.

I'm valued and loved. I wish I can take that feeling and awareness with me across my every day.

I'm grateful for another year to live.

I'm grateful for my family, to my steadfast Andy and to my daughter who teaches me what unconditional love and unadulterated joy feels like.

I want to spend less mental energy on petty thoughts, and on self-loathing.

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