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Life is bluring so I am sitting down and getting this written.

For the weekend.

Saturday: We woke up and talked about going to the downtown farmer's market but instead I asked Andy to cook some ribeye steak he had gotten at Trader Joe's. I made some rice and ate it. He made it too salty at first, and I complained, so he rinsed it off and sauteed it a bit more.

Then Andy left for 2 hours to get some alone time with work. I was working that morning, trying to catch up on a cloud networking feature I was working on. I was also doing online tutorials on and off all weekend since I'm trying to teach myself React, a framework in Javascript. In software engineering, you always have to be learning since the technology moves so fast. If you want to be competitive in your career.

I also got to swing by Uptown Dance to do a 45 min rhumba footwork workshop.

We were invited to two parties today, one for Sunaina, a doctor friend that had moved back recently to Austin. And also a party by Winnie, an old Serious camp friend. We went to both parties, and I wore my Elhoffer design cloak to both. It feels marvelous to walk around in a cloak. Kiddo was in a Parent's Night Out, at a new place. We picked her up in between both parties and she came along to Winnies and got to play with a light up sword. At some point, Andy and I was chatting with Winnie and kiddo was in the backyard, hanging out with adults.

After that we came home, and I made Andy play Overcooked 2 on the playstation 4. It is a co-op game and we quarreled through it. Finally I left in a huff complaining that we can't seem to do anything together. I do tend to hyperbole when I'm upset at Andy.

Sunday we did end up going ot the farmer's market: The Meuller one. It was delicious. We seem to spend too much money when we go to farmer's market. I want to try all the tasty things. We ended up getting the ninja pork belly tacos, dumplings (that I didn't like but kiddo did), a crepe, chocolate brioche, Andy got some Indian food, and Brazillian cheese bread (so good warm) and youpon tea. We sat around in the park and watched her play. I love that part after farmer's market. Where we just watch her play, and our bellies are satiated. Andy had to rush us though since he had to teach at the Hideout.

Kiddo and I went home, she just chilled and played by herself. I did tutorials and stuff. There's always little stuff that need doing over the weekends now that I've a day job. Like checking money, making sure bills are paid. I diverted some money to her college account today, $180.

Then kiddo and I went to Winnie's house again, she had a dumpling party. There were some pierogies, so we ate those. Then we moved on to make Asian dumplings, and I went fast. Maybe not as pretty, but I made food. Fast. Kiddo got really into it and made a whole bunch of dumplings. I was so proud of her. Then I got a text from the babysitter who was at our house. I forgot she was babysitting because I wanted to go to the Sunday social at Go Dance.

So we rushed back home and then I went dancing. I rarely go to the Sunday dance because Andy usually is busy. Today he's at the AIC potluck and a showcase. The Sunday dance is also hard to find partners, so I found that stressful. I was having a hard time until I went to the Salsa side room, got two latin dances in, and then went back out. I got to see some pros perform: Jake and Sarah and they were gorgeous.

I swung by the bubble tea place and got myself a milk tea, no bubbles. I am addicted to milk tea at the moment.

Then got home at 8 pm, kiddo was still not asleep. So I got into bed with her. Every night, Andy and I have been continuing on an improvised Lumber Jane story. Andy has to pick up where I left off and vice versa. Today the Lumber Janes had a pie eating contest! And then it always hangs in a cliff hanger.

Then I went outside to do more online tutorials and Andy came home so he wanted to cuddle with kiddo. So we all end up in bed again, cuddling. "Family cuddling time!" as kiddo likes to announce.

Then after that Andy and I also played Overcooked which I think stresses him out but he likes to do it because he wants to spend time with me. As I was falling asleep, I resolve to use Overcooked as a way that I can communicate better with Andy.


ballroom dance progress

went to uptown dance today, it's a friday, and not that many dancers, and I thought I was going to leave early, but I ended up dancing a whole bunch.

There's this guy there who only dances with his partner most socials, but his partner hadn't showed up so I asked him to Foxtrot, and I said don't go too crazy on me. But his not-advanced foxtrot was still pretty complicated but I was proud to mostly be able to follow him. Up to the head changes. So that was nice. I dance with him pretty rarely so he's a good yardstick to see how far I've progressed.

I also am starting to west coast more and I'm starting to follow better. I would say I'm now getting to be almost average west coast dancer.

Also improving in tango.

Not improved much: two step or triple two.


fred astaire and ballroom psychoanalysis

I was at Godance and describing my relationship with fred astaire and at various points I find the words coming out of my mouth like: "dysfunctional relationship" and "abusive relationship."

I was surprised to hear myself say those things out loud. So I am now doing some internal processing to figure out why I would say those things.

Things have been harder with their move to Westlake, because I dislike driving in rush hour traffic and it takes me 45 to 60 mins in traffic. And then I arrive grumpy. Also, I've tried to schedule things like doubles and the last time I tried to talk to the admin she basically blew me off. So there is a 1.5 month gap between privates right now.

Then I was invited to go to their "checkout" on friday, which I didn't really want to, but my instructor, D, he kept inviting me, so I went. And then a few mins before the event, while I was dancing with another partner, he didn't even bother to wait till I was done, he said that I would be dancing with another instructor. I wouldn't have drove all the way there if it wasn't to dance with him.

D is in turn warm, personable, and shines the light of his full attention on you, and other times don't talk to you at all. And I think this is triggering to any woman with any man. In this case, he's my dance partner, he has authority, even tho we aren't romantically involved, there is a complex relationship with ballroom dance teachers. So I think his hot/cold ness is what triggered my subconcious to think of "abusive relationship." This would be the same even in close friendships. Someone in turn being nice and warm to you, and that same person ignoring you days later.

Someone at the godance social that was at Fred Astaire also mentioned that he removed all of them off facebook and just completely severed the relationship and how hard it was for him. Hearing him say that was a relief, that I am not crazy for having such a hard time letting go.

I freaking love dancing with D, I think he's a fun dancer, and I have the most fun when I dance with him. I used to think he was the best dance teacher ever, until I started dancing at Dance With Me, and I realized the corrections I was getting from J was helping me dance better. Which then, what keeps me dancing with D? Is it because he's fun? Or is it some weird emotional addiction abusive compeonent?

Anyways, lots to process.

I still have 22 lessons left with them, so even if I resolve anything, anything can check in 8 months. Especially when dealing with something weird like this.

work/life balance

I'm definitely struggling with work life balance. There are people at work that are overproductive workers. This guy was coding at 9 pm, 3 am and constantly slacking and talking.

And I don't want that life where I am constantly plugged in but it's hard when people are responding to you at 9 pm. I need to set better boundaries.

I'm starting to get work dreams. I dreamt we were moved to a different building where we all sat in short big tables, and we were all right next to each other. I guess that's my version of a nightmare, even more close and clustered open space working.


Andy's mom joined us for a birthday party at Ramsey Park, where we bumped to Zula's dad, and a Bess's mom. Ramsey park was full of kids and their parents.
Then we came home and chilled out. I just bought a playstation the day before so we played that. Then we all headed out at 4:30 pm to Tamlyn's house. Where she had cooked us indian food. We chatted. Andy and kiddo swam and hung out in the hot tub.
Then Nick started playing the piano and we sang around the piano.
It was pretty lovely and delightful.

The morning I had an early lunch at 9 am, then I went to Brentwood Social House to chat with author Amy while she had her baby with her. Andy and kiddo went to a birthday party at a pinball place.
It was a good chat while we followed her baby around.
Then I came home and held the fort while Andy went to teach. I got to play Celeste while kiddo gave commentary.
Then Andy's dad showed up in town and he hung out for a bit with K, they watched magic school bus together.
Then Andy came home and all four of us went to Madam Mam for delicious thai food.
We came home, played some video game. I'm heading out at 9 pm to borrow some games from Kevin.


What did I learn about myself?
I learn that I love waking up in the mornings, read the newspaper, drink tea. I love outside courtyards in the shade with garden and water and people watching.

Solo traveling is lovely. Ideally for me while traveling, I have a companion once a day.

I don't like loud noise, and I don't mind people as long as they're not noisy.

I'm sad that the weather in Austin is so hot most days that I'm not outside, and I need to take advantage of the cold weather from Oct to Feb.

Life goals check?
I think outwardly my life looks successful. But I do have a big weakness in that I need to eat healthier. It got a little bit better this year, I'm starting to eat veggies thanks to a day job that exposes me to salads in the cafeteria, and flower child at the domain. But still need more veggies. I could of couse be thinner, the measure of the ultimate success for women. Blargh.

Job wise, I wish I could work remotely more. But that's something that will eventually open up as I grow in my skills or if I'm willing to take a pay cut.

Art wise, I dance 2-3 times a week. I spend some time in the underground trains reading the book Andy and I are working on, and it's in progress. Creating art is so hard.

I continue to struggle with anxiety, and each time I defeat it, I'm being brave.
Andy and my kiddo brings me joy.

Day six london

Peter and I went to Umu, a two star Michelin restaurant and it was delicious. I also saw the Rosetta Stone at the British museum. But that was really it at the British museum except for the gift store. I really love museum gift stores. Peter asked me if I’ve ever been to the museum of transportation and I said yes! We walked towards it and I realized, oh, I’ve been to the gift shop. That place has a great museum store gift shop with Underground branded items. I also love the Victoria and Albert museum gift store, and their courtyard.

Day 5 London

Did the Crystal Maze Experience at West End today. It’s apparently based on a nineties British game show. Like a high production value escape room, but with an energetic actor who was the maze runner. Peter and I got joined with a different group and it was a lot of fun. You do each challenge alone while the team yells and cheers you on. I managed to solve one as the time was running out and the whole team cheered and it was the best feeling ever. No wonder people do team sports. (Photos from google since cell phones not allowed)

Had lunch at an Italian place, also went to the spa again. Dinner was at an oyster place.

Day four london

22 years ago, I was addicted to an online text based game, a MUD.

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Day 3 london

Continuing on vacationing by myself #introvertlondon, I had a glimpse into life as a crazy rich person by having a spa day at the Corinthia hotel at Whitehall place.

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I like pretty things

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