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May 2nd, 2008

Team outing for Ironman (good movie), shopping at Anthropologie (my fav store which made me feel really pretty.. Picked up a few items that made me happy).. then was inspired to clean out my closet and brought 2 bags to Buffalo Exchange, but they only bought 2 pieces.

Then stopped by the CS grad end of semester party at Harris Park (love my friends), and then to my looong rehearsal at ballet austin.

I haven't memorized all the moves. We're underrehearsed, and over commited. It's the Artistic Director's choice.

At 11 pm, I drove away from Ballet Austin, tired, and grumpy.. and then I saw flashing lights in my car. The police officer told me I did 59 on a 45 at Ceaser Chavez  and asked me if I'd been drinking. I was so exhausted, I was like: no, I was in class for 6 hours.. I'm very tired.

She took my driver's license, went to her car for a long time... and then let me go with a warning.

Whoa. This is the first time I got a warning, I usually get a ticket. And I am so thankful. Plus it would have really made me more pissy about the class. :-P So I gotta pass on some of the nice-ness.

Also, as some of you who read my blog may conclude, I am pretty obsessed about my body and weight.. and yet, I am nothing.. nothing compared to professional dancers. The handout I got said fishnet and leotard for the Chicago Montage.. so I wore fishnet, leotard and shoes.. that's all..
I realized tonight almost everyone else wore some sort of skirt or shorts in addition to cover themselves. And I'm older, and weigh more then the professional ladies, and they're the ones ashamed of their bodies. So I was like.. hmm.. should I wear a skirt too? I asked my fellow dancers who were like... you look fine. Including zuleikhajami who saw me in the dressing room before her own class.

But the final answer was eventually given to me by Michelle, the Associate Artistic Director of Ballet Austin who asked me if I had shorts or skirt to wear.

Afterwards I was tempted to ask her.. are you asking me to wear a skirt/short because I'm not skinny enough? But I figure that I've caused enough trouble already :)

It's really funny. I've been really down on my body lately.. and would get grumpy when I can't find nice clothes to buy in stores.. but after going to Anthropologie and finding so many good stuff, and when I tried them on, I felt pretty.. beautiful even. And then a few hours later... despite being surrounded by ballet perfect bodies, I found myself in an odd state of acceptance with my own body.

So.. screw you Balanchine. I'm beautiful in my size. And I'll still be beautiful if I was a few sizes smaller, and a few (maybe 1 or 2 ;-)) size larger.

And I look better in my fishnet and leotard without a damn skirt.