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October 13th, 2008

suicides suck

someone in one of my friend groups committed suicide last weekend. i am not close to him, nor do i remember any particular personal conversation with him. but i can definitely feel the after-shock vibrating through the community, through the internets, and thought patterns.

what also fucking sucks is a friend attempted suicide yesterday night. i'm torn. i don't know what to tell you, that life isn't painful, that it's going to get better. because i can't promise that. i guess that's why people have religion. and healthy atheists have strong supportive family. but i don't have either really, and i survive. and since i survive, maybe that's why i'm asking you to survive as well? except it's not fair really? because your pain may be stronger at this moment, what reasons do you give someone to hang on? except for hope? hope that things will get better, that something will be worth living for? i can tell you that many times in my life i've felt extremely lonely, in the dark, pained, and there are times i don't care and if i could just die in an instant, because it just doesn't matter. but then usually you get out of the clouds of pain, and there's really good stuff worth living for, like lamb chops, and beer, and teasing, and dancing, and strangers recognizing you, and being on network tv for dancing thriller with the mayor.

i would be very sad, devastated even, if you kill yourself. and i know that i'm not the only one. a lot of people care for you. and i'm one of them.