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August 22nd, 2014

ptsd

things i now know. how hospital beds work. how the rails on hospital beds work.
how being inside seton for 4 days felt like.

urgh. mild ptsd moment from reading a nytimes article on hospital room layout and how designing it better meant the patient required less pain meds. andy's sofa was so far from me from the hospital bed.

reading the ingredients of epsom salt and realizing that it's magnesium sulphate. the horrible IV hooked on me for 24 hours. it made me so hot, we kept the room really cold. we found out afterwards that we did good declining the IV prior to delivery because otherwise baby would have been a "mag baby". so i felt like shit for 24 hours but she didn't.

it's good that i'm in a crunchy due date club, i'm being forced to see all these home births and birthing center births and learning to celebrate for them and managing my bitterness. which isn't a lot. btw, i'm super practical about all this, but once in a while a feeling hits me and i'm like... i guess i'm not as logical as i think i am.

i guess i'm taking a moment to feel sad for the birth that i didn't have.

but hey! on the bright side... i have no perineal tear. my vagina feels good! i don't have to worry about uterine prolapse. and, i labored for 20 hours before the c-section. so, whatever.

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