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suicides suck

someone in one of my friend groups committed suicide last weekend. i am not close to him, nor do i remember any particular personal conversation with him. but i can definitely feel the after-shock vibrating through the community, through the internets, and thought patterns.

what also fucking sucks is a friend attempted suicide yesterday night. i'm torn. i don't know what to tell you, that life isn't painful, that it's going to get better. because i can't promise that. i guess that's why people have religion. and healthy atheists have strong supportive family. but i don't have either really, and i survive. and since i survive, maybe that's why i'm asking you to survive as well? except it's not fair really? because your pain may be stronger at this moment, what reasons do you give someone to hang on? except for hope? hope that things will get better, that something will be worth living for? i can tell you that many times in my life i've felt extremely lonely, in the dark, pained, and there are times i don't care and if i could just die in an instant, because it just doesn't matter. but then usually you get out of the clouds of pain, and there's really good stuff worth living for, like lamb chops, and beer, and teasing, and dancing, and strangers recognizing you, and being on network tv for dancing thriller with the mayor.

i would be very sad, devastated even, if you kill yourself. and i know that i'm not the only one. a lot of people care for you. and i'm one of them.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 14th, 2008 10:37 am (UTC)
Also, this healthy atheist believes that no matter how shitty life gets, it's the one shot you've got, and better than nothing, which is what you get afterwards, so make what you can of it. I'm with Bucky on the whole suicide thing - if you're ready to throw it all away and hurt everyone who loves you anyway, you might as well say fuck it, and just turn around and do something awesome with your life, instead, something that you thought you could never do before. Yeah, life hurts. A lot. Suck it up. Or drink a lot. You'll sober up eventually, but you don't come back from a shitty decision like killing yourself.

(This means, for the record, that if I ever turn up as a suicide, start looking for foul play. I'm freezing my shit and coming back as a robot, bitches.)

Also, if any more of my friends decide to take matters into their own hands like this again, I swear to fucking god that I'm going to dig you up and fuck both of your maggoty eye holes. So, factor that into your plans.
Oct. 14th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
I think suicide happens when the pain inside is larger than whatever coping-mechanisms you have are able to cope with.

So, you need either to relieve the pain, or to add more ways and better ways of coping with it. A actually working social network of people who actually care about you is a huge help.

I don't know where you got the idea that atheists are more dependent on supportive families than religious people. I've had the oposite experience; death can seem an "easier" way out if you are convinced that it will be followed by a heaven free of suffering. To an atheist, death is final, and as such probably a bit more scary than to a religious person.

A friend of mine killed herself some years back. It was painful, despite the two of us never being that close. She even had a boyfriend and the world at her feet, being 17, pretty, smart, on the way to an excellent education.

In her case she was broken by living for years alone with a terminally ill (cancer) increasingly fanatically religious mother. That's not something society should expect a 12-14 year old to be able to handle. I'm still angry about it, really. (it's not as if she, and EVERYONE around her didn't ask for help repeatedly, desperately)
Oct. 17th, 2008 07:06 am (UTC)
I don't know.. this entry suicidal feelings are something I struggle with and its difficult to admit that on a public entry...
death just does seem like such a relief, never having to endure all this trash again...
I'm not going to do it, I don't intend to put any pressure on you, I'm not your responsibility (an online friend haha) I couldn't do it to my mother, she has sacrificed everything for me so that I can be here so I can't quit, I wouldn't to do it to her. If she ever died though, well I hope my life improves before that happens. or that she & i live the same length.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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