mini-toothache spasm in the muscle. And it stays painful or not depending on the knot.. with the hope that eventually the muscle relaxes.
Anyways, after that session on wednesday I felt kinda loopy, and a mix of almost-neasea and just not feeling good. And then I just felt really raw and vulnerable and needy and weird. Weird headspace. Yeah, I know, kind of woo-woo. But I think teaching my muscles to relax is not just a physical thing.. it's almost a mental thing.
Anyways, so I became more aware of my muscles.. and when taking a nap, I realized that I was tensing up my shoulder and neck muscles. It reminds me of TMJ. For a while, when I woke up in the middle of the night I was clenching my jaw. So I consciously tried to massage and relax my jaw before I slept. It works, and I've stopped.
But then, so I can consciously relax my shoulders.. but my neck.... I can't release it. I mean, I can if I breathe deeply a lot and do mental relaxation.. but I can't just voluntarily relax it. So I woke up at 5 am today when Andy crawled into bed late, and found my whole neck and shoulders all tense. And it made me very unhappy. If you tense your biceps for 5 hours straight, it too will make you very unhappy.
Anyways, thankfully I had another session with my awesome acupuncturist at 9 am. It was even more painful, if that was possible. At one point I almost wanted to say: ENOUGH WITH THE NEEDLES! and I could feel my muscles refusing to relax, it was tough. But I'm sore now, from the acupuncture, but I do feel generally happy.. the pain is not as bad... This time no loopiness or rawness.. just a sense of well-being. And soreness.
In fact, at lunch today, one of my coworkers said that I'm always happy. Which is nice.. And another co-worker in the hallway said: "You look entirely way too happy." And that's not necessarily because of the acupuncture, but because I am really blessed right now. I have an awesome boyfriend who does make me happy, and awesome friendships and I'm doing things that make me happy. And I pay someone to help me release all my neck and shoulder tension.
Now if only I can stop tensing up when I'm sleeping.