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women and men

during my first trimester i didn't really do much thinking about the pregnancy, and some of it was to protect myself.

but the second trimester, it really starts to sink in. i'm pregnant. there's a baby in there. now and then i feel her wriggle. not very often since i have a front placenta and it's still early.

and it was like a switch turned on in my brain. i've spent a lot of time thinking about the baby. thinking about making room for her. reading up on births. on parenting. i've set up lunch dates with mothers or expectant moms. i've talked to a lot of women. i made friends with a neighbor just because she had a 1 year old.

it's basically a completely new field for me.

and andy. he's like, just the same. kinda like i was at my first trimester. he knows we're having a baby, maybe read the occasional baby article, a few chapters of a book now and then, but his life goes on. the baby doesn't take over his life.

he's working more, to make more money, but it does make him feel a bit more distant, and when he comes home, he is tired and needs to chill out with tv and computer.

he still hasn't felt the baby kick. i've felt her kick against my hand about three times now, but andy hasn't.

i guess it's just the way it goes. it's hard to forget that i've a baby. she's kicking a bit right now. i pee a lot, almost every hour when i'm hydrating well.

i wake up in the middle of the night to pee once or twice. i'm uncomfortable.

my belly is uncomfortable. i'm ungainly. i've hormones making me cry easier, and i rage. i'm tired a lot.

i pant, because breathing is harder.

but for the expecting father, his body doesn't remind him constantly. his living is unchanged. except he has a wife who is changing and uncomfortable and unhappy and joyful and just all over the place.

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
athene
Apr. 3rd, 2014 01:27 pm (UTC)
"A woman becomes a mother when she finds out she is pregnant. A man becomes a father when his child is born."

I read that somewhere. I think in most cases it probably runs true. It's a reality for you because you can feel the new life inside of you. It's harder for many guys. They come around though.
ripresa
Apr. 3rd, 2014 01:46 pm (UTC)
That's a good quote.

floppyghost
Apr. 14th, 2014 12:01 pm (UTC)
I think it varies. Some women feel like mothers from the first second they hold their newborn, or even before that, while others need weeks or months to get used to this new idea.

The same is true for men. I think I felt like a dad before my wife really felt like a mom, I read a bit about it at the time, about the magical feeling of holding your new-born for the first time, and several women weighed in with "I never felt that, I worried there was something wrong with me, but it turned out I just needed a bit more time before I really felt like a mother".

zuleikhajami
Apr. 3rd, 2014 10:17 pm (UTC)
I made Walter stop drinking alcohol with me (although we both occasionally drank a glass once I was out of first trimester; I don't believe in total abstinence). He was grumpy about it and didn't understand why, but it was important to me that he shared in the sacrifice in some way. It wasn't anything compared to what I had to do, but it at least made the pregnancy have some direct impact on his life.

I think some of the difference between you and Andy right now is just your different personalities, though. I could be wrong, but I don't think Andy would be making information gathering lunch dates even if he were the one carrying the baby.
ripresa
Apr. 3rd, 2014 11:12 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahah. You are probably right. If he was carrying the baby he would be super chill about it.

I did yell at Andy once for getting me beer, he keeps trying to get me to drink (we don't believe, backed by stats and the book "Expecting Better", in total abstinence either). But I don't drink since it frustrates me that I can't drink a lot to get tipsy. So half a bottle of beer just makes me annoyed.

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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