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Savor it.

Had a lovely date night with Andy yesterday where we went and I ate a really rare burger at Salt and Time. Best burger I've had in ages. Then gelato at Dolce Neve and saw an improvised burlesque show where I had to pee 5 times.

Also had an audition because they were looking for "motherly" types of all ethnicities. It was short, and fascinating. Nothing like a bunch of people judging you from across a table.

Had a mom told me: "I know people keep telling you this... but it really goes so fast. I have a 3 and 4 year old and I miss the newborn years."

Okay, everything seems fast when you're looking at it from 4 years away. But I'm counting weeks, and sometimes days here. And I've carpal tunnel on my wrists because I'm swollen. My feet are swollen.
But I didn't say anything back.

Then at the institution theater, someone joked and waved the beer she was drinking and said: "Want a beer?" And I was like: "Actually, I've been drinking beer."
her: "But not much right?"
me: "However much I want. It's my fucking body."
And then she awkwardly got silent and then left the talking group.

I felt a bit bad about that. But seriously. She wasn't even a close friend, I had to remind her my name. And I've drank like 1/4 to 1/2 a beer like every 10 days or so. But I wasn't going to explain to her all that, or that 1 drink a day is okay in your third trimester and I'm nowhere close to that.

I grumped at Andy and he joked: "Savor it!!!"

I'm sure 4 years from now I'll read this livejournal posts and go... Oh.. I sure miss the swelling and the trouble sleeping, and people telling me what to eat/drink. ??? There must be some sort of memory wipe that women go through. Moms that just gave birth are sympathetic to pregnancy discomfort but the further away from it, the more nostalgic they become.

Brainwashing hormones! Keep the human race going.

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
mdf356
Jun. 14th, 2014 02:36 pm (UTC)
Memory wipe
The memory wipe happens almost immediately -- the pain of labor is almost gone when the rush of hormones comes and the baby comes out. Depending on how long you take to heal, the idea of another kid can seem appealing in a week or so.

I too have a 3 year old, and I don't want to go back to a newborn. Sure, they're easy in that they don't talk back and they don't whine they wanted a different kind of mac and cheese. But they also can't tell you they want an apple for a snack, or need to go potty, or anything else. 3 year olds can verbalize what they want relatively well and it means a lot less random crying and trying 8 things to see what it was.

In my experience, things that seemed, in retrospect, to be fast, actually means it took forever while it was happening, since mostly it's boredom, routine, and annoyance best not remembered. And that's what raising a newborn is -- day after day of nursing, chafed nipples, trying to find 5 minutes to get a shower since it's been 3 days since the last one, trying to nap when the baby naps since you're tired, but feeling guilty for doing so since it's also the only time you can get anything done and there's so much to do.
ripresa
Jun. 14th, 2014 03:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Memory wipe
"In my experience, things that seemed, in retrospect, to be fast, actually means it took forever while it was happening, since mostly it's boredom, routine, and annoyance best not remembered."

Very good point.
themooselet
Jun. 14th, 2014 05:17 pm (UTC)
Well, the memory wipe didn't happen to me :/.
I have a two year old, and we've just started trying for a second child despite my dread of labor and of the newborn stage, because I know how amazing the parenting journey is afterwards. But believe me, if there was a way to skip the pain and fear of labor, and the boredom of the first three months, without affecting the final outcome (our health, bonding,...), I SO would. Pregnancy, on the other hand, was very easy the first time around, so I don't mind a repeat.

What I'm trying to say is: if you find yourself enjoying the early days with the baby, awesome, but if you don't, don't feel guilty. It doesn't mean you're a bad mom if you hope for the boring stage to go by quickly :).
ripresa
Jun. 14th, 2014 09:39 pm (UTC)
Hugs! I love how they look at 4 months old too when they are smiling back at you.
Good luck on the second child, I hear it's easier the second time around. You may want to try hypnobabies for labor if you want to do a natural birth.
zuleikhajami
Jun. 14th, 2014 08:43 pm (UTC)
The "it goes by so fast" is one of my least favorite things people say. No, it doesn't go by so fast, at least not for everyone. I have forgotten nothing of the pain and general suckitude of the final months of labor, the pain and general suckitude of the actual labor, or the horrible timeless foreverness of those first horrible months with the infant.

Perhaps the "it goes by so fast" people just have a better time with all of the above because not all women hate the final months of pregnancy or have hard labors or hate the newborn stage. But surely, in this day and age, it's not uncommon knowledge that some women hate being pregnant and some familial groupings have a rough time with infants!

I also just don't understand parents with toddlers who miss having newborns. I guess this goes back to the varying experience thing. But for me, there is absolutely nothing I miss about the baby stage. Toddler is actually fun. We read stories; we sing silly songs; we hula hoop; she makes surprisingly insightful observations. There are definite downsides compared to pre-single life but there are a lot of upsides, too. Newborn wasn't all drudgery and misery, but for me at least, it was something to be gotten through because there was no way to get to the later stages without it. I would have LOVED to have had a fast-forward button!
ripresa
Jun. 14th, 2014 09:41 pm (UTC)
It is a weird thing to say to a bloated woman in her third trimester. I feel like the second trimester things are feeling good for a majority of women, but third trimester most people start getting pretty tired yeah? I have had to take naps and I feel for the mamas who have to work through their entire pregnancy.

zuleikhajami
Jun. 15th, 2014 02:25 am (UTC)
Some women apparently get a huge energy boost in third trimester according to a woman (in third trimester) who I met at a bellydance convention. I don't remember napping in third trimester much, but I think that was more because I couldn't nap than anything else. I was up every two hours to go to the bathroom, so I was definitely exhausted all the time!

I worked practically up to labor when I was pregnant, but I was working remotely from home so working was working literally from bed. I felt very lucky. I truly do not know how women in jobs like retail or food service can do it.
ripresa
Jun. 15th, 2014 02:07 pm (UTC)
I napped 2 hours yesterday and I slept 10 hours last night (with pee breaks!)

One of my due date mom friends works at Domino's pizza and she is exhausted. She plans to quit at 35 weeks (sucks that she can't just take maternity leave).

WFH is so nice, especially when I have to pee all the time!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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