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gender equality is a lie.

I have several thoughts about parenting and gender that I need to one day coalesce into an essay.

Basically. You think that gender equality is bad? Wait till you have a baby. I started seeing an inkling of it when I took Andy to the baby wearing meetings, and there were 80 woman and 3 men. And only one other was really participating, the others were on their phone, or looking bored.

Then Andy would be hanging out at flipside reading a birth book, and people would be like: "Oh, you're so supportive!".

He is half of the parental unit!!!

So a few days ago, I was looking at facebook, and I saw my friend Kaci (hey Kaci!) in a photo with some out of town improvisors. And I felt this twinge of jealousy. The jealousy was over that she is out and about in a social event, and she can just go out and socialize when she wanted to. And I felt trapped.

I think feeling trapped is a common feeling among new parents. But I don't like feeling it at all.

The thing that brings me one of my most consistant pleasure in life, since I was young... was being able to go out and eat my favorite food, and read a book. And I felt sad that it would be difficult for me to just go out to my fav thai place and read a book.

Then I went and felt sorry for myself.

And then, the next day, the doctor said I could drive. And I was like fuckkkk it, I'm going to go have sushi and read a book. Andy took care of the baby, while I did that, and I felt sooooooooooooooo good. I was so happy after that.

The same day we left the baby and I went to his roast and laugh so much.

And I realized, I can have a life. It's my choice to leave the baby. I love the baby so much. But I also need to keep sane.

Several of the due club women remarked that I had social engagements already! How could I leave the baby so early?!

And the answer is: A father who pulls his weight.

Since Andy shares parental care, I get to go out too! I don't understand women who say that they haven't been out and left their kid since they gave birth 2 years ago. WTF. What happened to your life, your dreams, and your goals???

I told Andy yesterday that I don't think I'll have postpartum depression! And he starts laughing. But it's true. As long as I can go to my parties once in a while, and go out and have thai food and read a book, I think I'll turn out okay.



Sep. 2nd, 2014 04:26 am (UTC)

I'm really glad you were able to go out a bit, and that you're actively staying on top of your mental health. I've known lots of new moms that just felt so guilty about that kind of thing, but you are not a baby machine, you are a living, breathing, complex, beautiful human with a complex set of needs and wants.

I've loved reading your thoughts about the whole process and your life now.

I may be out and about with a lot of freedom, but I may also never experience motherhood/parenthood. What a strange thing to be caught between.

Also - Mood Indigo was a waste of my time as well. Bleh!

Edited at 2014-09-02 04:27 am (UTC)
Sep. 2nd, 2014 04:37 am (UTC)
Yeah, i'm like.. should I feel more guilty? What is wrong with me. And then I realized, by Asian standards, I'm a great mom. By liberal elite organic mom standards, I am not TRYING enough. Fuck that. (Ooh. Saving that for a facebook post.)

I would love to see you and Roy have kids for the selfish reason of seeing like minded people with too many hobbies/commitments balance things out. But I bet Troy and Ruby will have children and I can watch her do it! There is so much guilt in the mom world, it's freaking ridiculous. And I do think it makes amazing women like you and Andy's sister be really hesitant of having children.


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