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my body or not.

I want to quit breastfeeding.
I love her falling asleep at my boobs, and the comfort she gets suckling though.
but it would be nice to have my body back and my nipples are tired.

We made it for 6 weeks! it's now almost 7.5 weeks.

A lot of my friends are super crunchy and I feel a lot of pressure to continue breastfeeding from my friends and from my in-laws. I wish I could make my own choice instead of feeling pressured.

I don't know if I'm breastfeeding because I want to, or because I feel pressure.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 4th, 2014 09:35 pm (UTC)
I hate people pressuring about breastfeeding, especially since the advantage of breastmilk over formula is so small.
Oct. 13th, 2014 09:32 am (UTC)
:-) Thank you ! I knew you're awesome already of course, but thank you for reminding me.
Oct. 6th, 2014 02:45 am (UTC)
If you want, I can give you the number of an LLL leader. They're very supportive of all choices and could be a good sounding board for you.
Oct. 6th, 2014 03:22 am (UTC)
I dunno. I think I'm going thru a small bout of sadness right now. It's prob not really about breast feeding.
Oct. 10th, 2014 01:10 pm (UTC)
Given that you are feeling a small bout of sadness, I don't know if now is the best time to stop. There really are huge advantages of breastfeeding over formula...I am not trying to pressure you but I've done both (granted, while being a SAHM) and breastfeeding was so much easier and more convenient. With BF when teh baby is hungry the milk is already mixed and the right temp....with formula I had to listen to her fuss while I got it mixed and warmed up and then I had to have clean bottles nad nippes, and sure someone else could do it, which was nice, but it was still mostly me and I really missed the convenience of not listening to her cry while I got things ready. Do what feels right for you, but try to make sure you are in a solid frame of mind when you make that decision, and please don't think that formula will be easier, because it really isn't. ~hugs you hard~ new babies are exhausting, hang in there!
Oct. 12th, 2014 04:42 pm (UTC)
You're not wanting to pressure, but still feel compelled to mention the "huge" advantages to a mother who very clearly is very well informed already ? You feel the need to mention how much easier and more convenient it is -- to someone who has just spent the last 8 weeks trying it out ?

You also feel the need to disparage the substantial advantage it is that anyone can feed the baby, in short, you feel the need to provide entirely one-sided advice before telling Ripresa to "please don't think" that formula will be easier but to do what feels right to her.

Bottle-feeding babies is a triviality. Sterilizing the bottles you need for a day takes 10 minutes tops, and after you've got clean bottles preparing a meal takes 2 minutes tops. Yes, breastfeeding is also simple and convenient for some; but not for all. And I don't think it's right to pile on the pressure to "do the right thing".

My body or not, Ripresa asks. My answer is simple: Her body. Her choice. Not "Her choice but ......".
Oct. 12th, 2014 04:49 pm (UTC)
I'm aware she is well informed, which is why I didn't try to get into any of the normal arguments for or against breastfeeding, because she has always done her research and is an insanely intelligent woman. But as someone who has both breast and bottle fed, multiple times, I wanted her ot know that it gets easier as you get more experienced and that bottle feeding seems simple when you aren't doing it, but can have problems no one tells you about. I don't want to pressure, I don't, everyone should parent the way they feel is best because in the end only you have to live with your decisions and feel you did the right thing, but once you switch off breastfeeding it is very had to change your mind, so I thought a perspective from someone who has been there might be helpful. I personally, and I presume you don't have experience with both, since as a man you can't possibly have breast fed, found breast feeding was very difficult in the beginning but became significantly easier. WIth one kid I switched to formula, with the second, with my experience with both, I stayed with BF for longer, and I personally found that BF was, overall, actually easier even though I was the only one who could do it. I also know I made a decision to wean when I was feeling overwhelmed and sad and I regretted it for years. If someone had encouraged me maybe I would have made a different choice. As a man, you can butt out, because you can't know what it is to be a mother.

Ripresa: I will also say, you can choose to do both. THe myth that once a baby takes a bottle of formula they are no longer gettnig teh benefits of bf or that they won't go back to the breast from a bottle is false.You can choose to BF when it is convenient (for example, night feedings are crazy easier with a breast than a bottle once you get a hand of it) but still let other people have the joy of feeding the baby with formula when you need a break. I did that with one of mine and it ended up being the best of all worlds. Good luck!
Oct. 13th, 2014 09:24 am (UTC)
It's just that there's a massive gap. WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and continuing breastfeeding up to 12 months.

Actual real-life data says (for USA) that even at an age of 1 month, only 48%, less than half of all infants are exclusively breastfed, falling steadily to 16% at 6 months. That is, around 85% of all parents fail to live up to the recommendation. All of which are too-frequently shamed for it.

Sometimes it does get easier with practice, for those women who want to breastfeed it's wise to give it some time before giving up, but 8 weeks is already a quite substantial bit of time. We're not talking "I tried it for 3 days but I guess it's not for me" here.

And sometimes it doesn't. It really doesn't. And then people pile on "advice" about all the thing the woman "just" need to do and it'll all be "easy" and "simple" and "pleasant", with seldom an ounce of recognition for the fact that sometimes it doesn't. Maybe you ain't experienced that, if so, good for you. But assuming your own experience is valid for everyone isn't a good assumption.

No, I don't have breasts so I ain't breastfed. But I have a wife who have, and several close friends who have, including Nadine. And it makes me angry to see how they're treated when they make choices that some holier than thou people don't approve of. I'm not accusing you of being horrible here, I'm talking about the general tendency in feedback that you get.

You're being rude when you say: "As a man, you can butt out, because you can't know what it is to be a mother", first because the same thing is true in reverse (a undeniable advantage of bottle-feeding is that it allows fathers more involvement) and secondly you're assuming that nothing about the benefits and problems of breastfeeding can be learnt by accompanying women trough it.

In any case I'm not so much talking about the benefits and drawbacks as I'm talking about the fundamental lack of RESPECT for a womans right to freely choose, without being shamed, without being told to make the "right" choice and without being told that it's all so easy if she'd just do it right.

It also makes me highly sceptical that facts are too frequently claimed with scant evidence, for example when the advantages of breastfeeding are touted, the principle of correlation not being causation is frequently ignored, even by the WHO. They happily refer that breastfed children are on the average more intelligent, but conveniently "forget" to remember that this is not true if you compare siblings were one was breastfed and the other not. (pretty strongly suggesting the causation lies elsewhere)

Studies such as this one: http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sibbreast.htm are systematically ignored, because, it sometimes almost seems, the agenda is more important than presenting factually supported information.

If people are genuinely lacking information, sure, provide it to them. But even then, please be honest enough to provide both sides of the coin.

But when people who are very well informed, as you've already acknowledged that you consider Nadine to be ask if it's her body or not, in other words, if she's allowed to choose what *she* wants, then there's only one valid answer.

Yes she is. It's her body.

Yes !


"Yes but ....."
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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