ripresa (ripresa) wrote,

dance camp sat and sunday: confidence, entitlement and hard work

everything changes and nothing changes?

actually i feel i'm better in that i'm more emotionally aware, and i have a more rational advisor in my mind when i notice and feel negative things.

the first day was a lot of hugs and friendly excited people and a chris hird bonus ballet class where i actually felt pretty good in.

however, the placement day started with heidi saying: "3b is really full, so we have to move people up or down." and i'm thinking, no way am i going to be moved up. as a result i was very nervous about my placement class.

however, i just read an amazing mindy kaling article on confidence.

It talked about how confidence comes from a sense of entitlement. However, entitlement comes from hard work. If you have put in the hard work then you can feel entitled, or confident. And I tried to talk myself into feeling confident in placement class, I felt like I was as strong as people in that level. However, when Heidi came in to evaluate I got nervous and fuck up and lost my spot. And I think it's because I haven't really done enough hard work.

But it's okay, because my left foot's achilles tendon has been hurting me anyways, and I've been nursing and taking care of it.

During the "swap auction" tonight, I had several social difficulties as well. Partly because of really loud people that got more obnoxious as they got drunker and I could feel sulky Nadine settling in. However, there was another lady there, younger then me, who have had a sour face for most of camp. And it got sour and she complained that she hasn't won anything and it was like the bad version of Nadine. And I'm like... heh. So I watched her instead.

Afterwards, I felt sad for myself (I lost a dance off, and got terrified of dancing more to "win" the auctions) so I didn't win nice things. But then a friend of mine said here, it's a leotard for you.

And I realized I have awesome friends who love me. And it's worth pushing through a social situation that is difficult.

Dance wise, I've learned a lot since I did 2 elemental body alignment classes. They're not ballet classes but they work on body placement so my posture is good. At least for this week.

I've a roommate from Australia, and I accidentally pissed her off with a minor thing, but then I apologized sincerely, and she took it well, and we seem to be getting along fine. She is very likeable, and I like her quite a bit. I seem to really get along with Aussies in general.

So in light of all this, I do think I've quite matured emotionally. In just 2 years. I'm a better person.
Tags: ballet, dance, richmond
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