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one or two

I've made a couple of FB posts on parenting groups about having another kiddo, and I wanted to documented those thoughts.

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I've been struggling with the decision to have another child or not. Last month I decided we would, and then we tried and I freaked out and became super anxious when I thought that I could be pregnant. My period came, and now I get to decide again. For me, I like the idea of having a bigger family. However, a second child will make it harder for me to pursue my personal dreams and career choices. I want to write a book and be a filmmaker one day, or put them on hold for another five years or so. I just feel so undecided about this. I guess I'm sharing to see if others have the same thoughts, and the decisions they made.

-- Several days later:

Thank you for sharing. I did notice that over the conversation, I felt more resistant to the argument of having more kids. I know you will not regret them generally. Or that children are wonderful. But that argument applies to having 5 children as well, or telling childless people to have kids. I did ask my 2 year old if she wanted siblings and she said both yes and no on different times. And then I'm like: Why am I asking a 2 year old what to do with my uterus? So then I found two facebook groups of parents with only children. And though I haven't posted a thread on those group, it's been nice to find a community of people who have one child by choice and to see them processing it. The majority of parents choose to have more then 1, including in this group it seems. I know I'm over thinking this, it's my personality, and this is a huge financial decision for us. We live in 852 sq feet so we would have to move. We would need a bigger car, we would have to pay another 700/mth in daycare. And, I'm just not the most patient person in the world. So I'm leaning towards 1 at the moment. I may change my mind, or we may have an oopsie, moment. Anyways, that's where I am. Oversharer/overthinker. Thank you for sharing your life as well.

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