The way I self-medicate previously was ballroom dancing. Yes, I can dance at home, but it's totally different and doesn't have that zen feeling where I can just switch off my brain and follow a leader.
Kate: Hey N I really feel for ya. I discovered a couple years ago that I easily downward spiral if I don't have a hands-on craft that I'm actively engaged in (pottery now but previously it's been making books, marbling paper, printmaking). That's my ballroom dancing. It's an activity where there is flow and my brain goes to a different place - it feels almost empty and very calm.
I definitely think you need to find a replacement for your dancing. Can you figure out what it is about the dancing that helps get you into this state of mind? Is it the leader aspect, the music, the movement, a combination? There are likely other things you can do in isolation that will mimic various aspects of dance, but it may take some experimentation to find the right fit.
You game, too, right? have you done much gaming? Can you participate in a kind of led gaming? (I know Josh sometimes plays and leads some form of gaming like this although I don't know much more myself, but can always ask him).
I'm happy to brainstorm this with you, or maybe others here can suggest hobbies they use for this. And keep us posted if you find something that helps!
N: yes, that is the brain state I’m missing right now. Flow, empty, calm. You described it well.
I need to think what can replace it.
Kate Mac For sure. Let's brainstorm! It may well be something you've never considered before. It surprised me to discover that I need hands on crafty stuff and I explored a bunch of that stuff so that's my arena of knowledge. Others may have better ideas for more physical stuff. Maybe a type of martial art? Jennifer, Ed, Karen could suggest stuff here.
Singing? I bet there are online choirs forming.
I love carving into stuff whether it's wood, lino, clay.